Contemplation
by Dragon Mistress
Summary: A year after Soul Edge was finally destroyed for good, Kilik confronts feelings he has been avoiding for a very long time. Not as lame as it sounds.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the Soul Calibur 1 or 2 characters, weapons, situations, locations, etc., etc. All are property of Namco (bless them).  
  
**Summary:** A year after Soul Edge was finally destroyed for good, Kilik confronts feelings he has been avoiding for a very long time.  
  
**Notes:** My first SC fic. I have not played the first game, because I am a Nintendo person and always will be, but SC2 is one of my most favourite games! (And to think I originally wanted it just for Link....)  
  
**WARNINGS:** Yaoi/shounen-ai. Live with it, okay? If you don't like it, then don't read. If you don't like it and read anyway, don't be stupid enough to flame. Flames dedicated to my favourite fire warriors, Sailor Mars, Tasuki, and Hikaru!  
  
  
  


  
~Contemplation~  


  
  
A chill breeze ruffled through the almost-bare trees, scattering dead leaves over the cracked and mossy floor of the ruined temple. It ruffled the shaggy brown hair of the young man who sat in the middle of the floor, his eyes shut and furrows of concentration upon his brow. He didn't shiver or open his eyes as the cold breeze swept over him.  
  
Kilik had been living in the ruins of the Ling-Sheng-Su Temple for a year now, ever since he, Xianghua, and Maxi had returned from their quest in Europe. The year had passed quite uneventfully, and Kilik hadn't sensed the evil aura of Soul Edge ever since he and Xianghua had taken it from Nightmare and destroyed it. The sword's evil energy which resided in the Kali-Yuga was beginning to wane, but Kilik wasn't about to let his guard down.  
  
Xianghua and Maxi had protested vehemently when Kilik had told them where he planned to go and what he wanted to do. Both had urged him to come with them to Japan, like they had planned when they first set out on their way home, but Kilik had declined.  
  
  
_I need to do this. It's the only way I can atone for my sins. Kilik murmured.  
  
You've helped save the world from Soul Edge! Xianghua protested. Isn't that enough?  
  
The young man shook his head. With a grunt of annoyance, Maxi squeezed Kilik's shoulder.  
  
It's too dangerous. You can't do it alone. If you have to go, we're coming with you.  
  
Kilik shrugged Maxi's hand away. No! I have to do it by myself. I have to make peace with the gods and myself before I can return to a normal life.  
  
You're starting to sound like Sophitia, Maxi scowled, but Xianghua shot him a glare and then turned pleadingly to Kilik.   
  
Are you sure this is what you want?_  
  
  
Was he sure this was what he wanted? Of course. He had been, and still was, positive that he was doing the right thing. So for an entire year he had dedicated himself to nothing but meditating quietly in the ruins of his former home. It had been a rather lonely lifestyle, but Kilik didn't care about that in the least. His whole purpose here was to cleanse his soul and his mind, not to surround himself with friends. And the waning evil energy in the Kali-Yuga gave him hope that at long last, he was finally succeeding.  
  
But try as he might, he was still plagued by thoughts and memories that had been with him for nearly six years, thoughts he knew were wrong but couldn't rid himself of. Thoughts of a haunted soul who had finally been relieved of its burden for good.....  
  
  
_ Do you think he'll be all right?  
  
Xianghua gave him an odd look. Probably. Why are you so worried?  
  
I don't want to be the cause of another person's death.  
  
Look, he asked for it. If he dies it'll just be a lesson not to mess with things you can't control.  
  
That's the problem, Xianghua! He _was _able to control it! A lesser person would.... would have been destroyed. But he... is going to be fine..._  
  
  
Physically fine, maybe. Kilik's shoulders slumped and he finally opened his eyes. It was growing dark. With a sigh, he rose and pulled on his robe, then taking the Kali-Yuga in hand, he left the crumbling temple and descended down the long flight of stairs leading to it. He knelt beside the river and splashed cold water over his face, shivering. Tilting his face upwards, he gazed up at the steadily darkening sky, where the first stars were beginning to appear.  
  
He had always tried to ignore the fact that he just didn't like women in the way he knew he should. But Xianghua had become his confidante soon after they met, and he had spilled it all to her - she had always been there to listen to him and talk to him, trying to make him see that what he felt wasn't wrong and shouldn't make him feel ashamed.   
  
Kilik, does it really matter whether you like men or women? True love is rare. Take it and never let it go, no matter what others think.  
  
He repeated her words to him out loud, then sighed and wandered away from the river. Even Xianghua didn't know who he was in love with. He had never found the courage to tell her.   
  
True, she wasn't the least bit embarrassed or squeamish when it came to matters like these. She hadn't batted an eyelash at the news that Seung Mina and Talim had run off together - just smiled and clapped her hands like a small girl. But if she knew the identity of the man whom Kilik desperately loved, she would be horrified....  
  
Maxi wasn't as accepting as Xianghua, and Kilik had known, despite Maxi's hearty attempts to pretend nothing was wrong, that the ex-pirate was uncomfortable and maybe a bit frightened of Kilik's preferences. For awhile, it seemed as if Kilik and Maxi's friendship, which had been, up until then, very good, might come to an end. Even saying goodbye to Maxi as he left their company to hunt down Astaroth had been awkward. But after the three had been reunited, Maxi had apologized to Kilik, assuring him that his stupid fears had paled in comparison to the thought that he might have never seen either Kilik or Xianghua ever again.... but even after that, Maxi was less likely to take Kilik's secret desire very well.... Kilik stopped underneath a cherry tree, running a hand along the trunk and frowning, deep in thought.  
  
It was the stupid sword! Soul Edge had brought the man to his attention for the first time, and the second. If it hadn't been for the call of the damned sword, Kilik might have fallen in love with someone else.... someone who would be better accepted, not just by his two best friends, but by the rest of society as well.  
  
  
Kilik leaned against the cherry tree, resting his cheek against the rough bark. He closed his eyes and murmured softly,   
  
  
Did you call?  
  
Kilik's heart leapt to his throat and his eyes opened wide. He looked quickly around and finally located the speaker - a tall, coldly handsome young man dressed in the fine clothes of a German aristocrat, long blonde hair neatly braided with the bangs combed over to hide the scar over the man's right eye.   
  
Siegfried Schtauffen.....  
  
With only the tiniest hint of a smile flickering at the corners of his mouth, Siegfried joined Kilik by the cherry tree. I thought you'd be here. Your friends told me where you'd gone, but they didn't know exactly where it would be - the Ling-Sheng-Su Temple, that is. I finally coaxed one of the people in the village nearby to tell me where it was - but my Chinese isn't perfect, I don't think he got the idea at first. He leaned casually against the tree, that almost-smile still lingering on his lips. Once he understood, he was able to give me pretty decent directions to where the temple had once been. And I followed them here, and found you, and you seemed to be thinking of me. Or are there many Siegfrieds in this country?  
  
Kilik didn't know what to say. His throat had gone dry and he couldn't do anything but open and close his mouth wordlessly. So instead he ducked his head and fiddled with the blue gem of the Dvapara-Yuga. He could sense Siegfried's half-smile slowly widening into a smirk, but concentrated on not looking as nervous as he felt.   
  
So what if I was thinking of you? he finally mumbled. Xianghua and I fought you again a year ago and finally freed you from the sword. It was said a lesser mortal's mind and body would be destroyed if the sword was taken away; yet, you lived. It's been puzzling me for all this time. He finally looked up. How did you survive? You regained your sanity; and your body, as well, he added, noting that Siegfried's right arm had gone back to normal.  
  
Not quite, still hurts every now and then, Siegfried said ruefully, rubbing his shoulder as if a sudden twinge had gone through it. And I really can't say how I managed to survive. I don't know myself; and there's no one to answer my questions. The only thing I know for sure is that I am probably the only person to survive after being possessed by Soul Edge.  
  
He shook his head and gazed upwards, focused on the silvery crescent moon. You don't want to talk about the sword. he said finally. I can tell, Kilik. It's something else that's bothering you. He looked back at Kilik, his piercing blue gaze seeming to see right into the depths of Kilik's soul. Seeing the look on the other man's face, Siegfried chuckled softly. I know. You don't think I could ever be this way.... wanting to know what's wrong, actually caring about someone. I wasn't always Nightmare, you know. And I refuse to become him ever again.  
  
Without the sword....  
  
This has nothing to do with the sword. Even without it I could become just as evil as I was with it... the big difference would be that I wouldn't be changing into a monster every night. That's the thing about being evil - after you've gotten used to it, it's easy. Easier than being nice. And it's hard to go back. I can still see how wretched the human race can be most of the time... but I have to learn to deal with it, and to fight the anger I feel. It's _not_ easy. I have to work to become fully myself again. He looked at Kilik. Do you understand?  
  
Kilik nodded. He could understand exactly what Siegfried was feeling, and he could sympathize. He knew that Siegfried wanted to atone for the people he had killed, just as he, Kilik, wanted to do. They both wanted to put the past, and that damned sword, behind them for good. It wouldn't go away, not completely; in the darkest regions of their dreams and memories it would return to haunt them. But they could fight it. Oh, yes. Fight it, and drive it as far away as possible. Maybe, even, return to their normal lives.  
  
Hesitantly, he took a step towards the blonde. You feel guilty, don't you? he asked quietly. Siegfried nodded, and Kilik sighed. So do I. He took another step closer, then another. It eats at me, especially when I'm alone. I came here to try and forget... but you can't banish some thoughts as easily as you can others. Cautiously, fearing retaliation, he slipped his arms around Siegfried's waist. He looked into those clear blue eyes and shivered slightly as Siegfried's hands moved slowly up his back. I.... can't forget...... that.... I'm in love with you, he whispered, before touching his lips to Siegfried's.  
  
He expected to be hit; what he really _didn't_ expect was for Siegfried to kiss him back, firmly, strong arms wrapping tightly around his waist. Surprised and a little scared, he opened his eyes as the kiss ended. He bit nervously at his lower lip, and tried to stammer out an apology, but Siegfried pressed a finger to Kilik's lips.  
  
Shh.... I know what you're going to say. And if you tell me it was an accident, I swear I'll kill you.  
  
He smiled as Kilik's brown eyes widened. You didn't think, at some point, that we were brought together for a reason? Even if it was Soul Edge that caused us to meet, our souls somehow became connected.  
  
But... why you and I? Why not you and Xianghua?  
  
Siegfried shook his head. I don't know. It's one of those questions I don't think anyone will ever be able to answer. But I know this - even though your mind and will strove to destroy Soul Edge for the good of the world, your soul sought to save something else - _me_. And though I fought back to protect what I thought was the ultimate power, my soul was crying out for help.  
  
Kilik was speechless. He rested his cheek against Siegfried's shoulder, thinking over what had just been said, and wondering. It seemed possible that it was all true; God only knew Soul Edge had done strange things to everyone who had come in contact with it.  
  
After a short while, in which he mulled over his thoughts, he and Siegfried holding each other silently, Kilik raised his head.  
  
This proves something.  
  
Really? What?  
  
That good _can_ come from evil, Kilik said softly, before kissing Siegfried once more.  
  
  
The End


End file.
